It's been quite sometime since i last blogged. I am just so busy now, preparing for this CI BTC. So many things to prepare and buy. Finally finished all the buying of the things in the kit list le. Now left with ironing and doing up of my uniform and the packing of my bag for this upcoming 8 days residential course.
8th Dec is the first day of my reporting day and I think I would have to wake up as early as 6am in the morning and leave the house by 6.30am and take a MRT and then a bus to Choa Chu Kang HTA. By 8am got to be ready to fall in liao and must reach before 8am so that we all have sufficient time to do all the administrative work such as to check our bunk number, squad number, ATC camp grouping and hand in all the money for the shirts we order and the giro forms that we owe the HQ. So many things to settle. Of coz must be early la~!
Before this course even started, wah dunno why i am so stressed up. Couldn't sleep properly these few days, unlike the past sleeping like for abt 10 to 12 hours per day during the holidays after 'O' Levels, after the course briefing I am like sleeping like only about 5 to 6 hours per day. Also, I have unsupportive parents who don't really like me to be so committed to this CCA, I am scolded everyday because they feel that I am finding trouble for myself, making myself so busy. People around me are now making money from their part time jobs or they are at home enjoying their holidays, but me? People bring in income, I spend all my money buying all these camp stuff and made myself so busy, running to so many places to get the things i need, things i want. This is basically how my parents felt.
So many times I tried to hold back my tears, dissappointed by the way my parents think about me, thinking i am stupid to commit myself to this course, this CCA. Suddenly, felt like i am the empress dowager in the musical we went as a literature class "Forbidden City: The Empress Portrait". "Nobody knows me... Nobody knows me", no one understands me in depth, not even Kwang Beng. No one knows why i have my heart and soul solely belonging to this CCA. Not even my parents knows.
Just dun understand why my parents are so upset... i already tried my best to go as far as i can but yet they seemed to be more and more angry with me. If you are a parent, you know that your son/ daughter is a prefect, shouldn't you be happy because you know your son/daughter must be good that's why he/she is chosen... But they were never happy that i became a prefect.
Maybe being a prefect is nothing great... my 2nd sis is also a prefect in her school. I strive hard, I became a Head Prefect. They scolded me for climbing so high up, they see me as a thrash, to them, i am nothing i cannot be a role-model for others to follow in school. They feel that it's just pure luck for me to get this post. I am dissappointed.
Fine, i am not a good head prefect in their eyes maybe, i am give my best in my CCA. They say i am stupid. People join NPCC, I also join NPCC, but i join until so busy, what do i get in the end? i get nothing but losing time. I nearly was unable to go for CCA in sec 2. I cried. Not knowing the reason, i just cried becoz i couldn't go for CCA. Maybe they could sense or they saw my tears flowing down. They agreed to let me go for CCA. Don't know why, i felt relieved, i could get to go for CCA.
NPCC made me grow up a lot from sec 1 till now. I have seen many things and learned many things that people may not know, understand things that some people may not understand, get to know many people who make me at least feel i am more fortunate than them though i may not have supportive parents...
Probably this is why i want to go for the course and come back as a Cadet Inspector, not to use my authority to win over others, but to share my experiences, my story with them, to show my gratitude also for this CCA, this unit makes me grow...
