It has been a long time since the unit had training. I dunno what the OC is doing, the unit has no trainings ever since the exams ended. NDP is coming and yet there is no training to train them up.

I heard so many things happening in the unit that I felt so hurt when i got to know and felt so disgusted by the cadets. What had seriously happened? I do not know. I feel a lot for this cca, for this unit which is why i went thru the hardships in CI course and came back to contribute and to plant my love for the unit and CCA right into the unit. I want to spread my passion to people but yet I feel so dissapointed. I could not sense the right passion. The purpose of why they are so "on" is because they want to get high position and get all the CCAs that they want and throw their weights about and not because they really want to help.

Mayb in this world only I am stupid enough to do things not for my own good but for other's good. Mayb, I am too selfless. I can give up anything just to do the unit, to do the cadet's good. I can give up my studies and put my heart and soul in the prefectorial board because I want to do the school good, not because I want to climb up in a high post. Even though i got the highest post in the the prefectorial board then, it wasn't what i want, I only asked for a head of admin, do admin stuff and in charge of events to help the school then. But yea, Mrs Anthony reccomended me to go for it, so i went ahead.

Why are humans so complex, they think of all sort of ways to get what they want, negleting friendship, kinship. Friendship and kinship doesn't hold weight in their lives? Why can't everyone be just simple, do what they have in mind, go for feelings and not just pure benefits. Can't human be selfless? If humans are behaving this way, what is the use of morals passed down from our ancestors, wat's the use of implementing CME if we dun learn?

Should I also learn to be selfish? I thought selfish is bad? Am I really stupid or dumb to learn to be selfish only when I am 17? Is it a bit too late? Or should I not learn it at all and be myself? I'm so confused by values and the usefulness of these values in life. Maybe only I can see it and not others? I feel so alienated.... Do i belong to this world of power struggle, materialism, selfishness? Or do i belong to my own world of being selfless, doing what my heart tells me to and to spread passion to people i know of? My world and the actual world we are living are like miles apart, so different.

Haiz.... Humans are complicated~!

12:17 AM; undramatically.Y